A Light Shag

Smoking kills ! If you’re a greenfly mwahahahah.

At last a spray that really does kill the millions of  little blighters that insist on attacking my chilli plants that are  minding their own business on a sunny windowsill in my kitchen.

I have tried and tried with the old soapy water method, spraying every ten to fourteen days to beat the cycle of destruction, but to no avail.

It’s time to bring out the bazooka.

Aphids don’t like tobacco. I don’t know who discovered this. I like to imagine it was a ruddy faced gardener’s lad having a crafty fag in the orangery who suddenly realised that the aphids were, well, dropping like flies, but that’s just my days gone by romanticism.

An old recipe suggests adding 2 oz of light shag tobacco ( I once worked in a tobacconists, men in shabby overcoats would shuffle in and ask for “ a light shag love” much to our childish amusement) to a gallon of water. Kerosene was occasionally added but in my mind no-one in possession of tobacco and other smoking paraphernalia aka lighters should be anywhere near such flammables.

Nowadays a light shag is more difficult to come by, unless you are a girl who enjoys a few gins before a night on the tiles, so standard B&H will do the job just as effectively. My friend Dan has a tried and tested method that wipes out the pesky bugs in about 20 seconds.

Dan’s bug genocide death ray gun

Add the tobacco from two cigarettes to 250 mls of boiling water in a spray gun and leave to stand overnight.

Add a squirt of washing up liquid.

Take the affected plants outside, on a dry, still day and blast those suckers.

Rinse the death spray off with a fine hose and wipe down any bug infested windowsills with a damp soapy cloth.

Return the plants to their rightful place with a rather smug smile on your face.




2 thoughts on “A Light Shag

  1. There’s a picture of my bug death ray gun on t’internet! WOW!
    Your posts opens up a whole range of childish humour now doesn’t it: Carry On Gardening, here we come… I can only say that whilst you appear to like doing it outside, my preference was to do it in the shower: it’s not as cold.
    Also worth pointing out that you need to strain the tobacco out of the spray bottle before use, as it’ll clog up your nozzles if you don’t.
    And if you’re looking for alternative recipes, whatever you do don’t search Google for “how to kill insects with light shag”: suffice to say there are some strange people out there and the results will not be about gardening.


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